You want to improve your family or work relationships and you do not know how. To accompany you to find the answer on how to improve your family or work relationships, first I will ask you a key question, why do you want to improve your relationships? Listen very well your reasons, because in them you will be based to initiate the change in your way of interacting, communicating, expressing your emotions, negotiating, listening, in short … your way of living with them.
You want to improve your family or work relationships and you do not know how
Initially, consider that you are the person who has this need, and therefore, you are responsible for making the change, I do not mean with this, that only you are going to do the work, but you are the leader of your process, which will set the goal you want to achieve, the way you want to achieve it, and above all, how far you are willing to grow personally through the attempts you make. Because this process of change in your person requires practice, reflection, self-knowledge and other aspects that little by little you will develop.
To improve your relationships with others, you need to develop your emotional intelligence, one of the key aspects to do it is to learn to communicate assertively. Imagine a line, at one extreme passive people, at the other the aggressive, and in the middle the assertive. Assertiveness is knowing how to express congruently what you feel, think, say and act (body language). When you have conflicts in your relationships, it is usually because you are not able to express your emotions in such a way that the “other” can hear them, or vice versa, you are not able to decipher the codes that others send you that show that they are bothering you, or feeling sad or in pain when interacting with you, you are not being empathetic.
Start by studying everything related to assertiveness, in our coaching sessions, we will frequently work on techniques to increase your assertiveness and thereby achieve adequate communication with others. Briefly explain that it is about being assertive, although this subject, itself, requires several hours of study. Congruence between what you feel-think-say and act.
Learn to understand your feelings. The body intuitively gives you many signs of how you are experiencing emotions. Observe yourself very well, how you feel when you are getting angry, you are sad, happy, afraid or feel love. Your heart beats, your jaw squeezes, you begin to sweat, your hands tremble, you want to run, you feel hot, etc. All these signals are helping you to anticipate and not stay in risky situations. Learn to listen to your “sixth sense” and do not insist on staying in a situation where you “feel” that you have to lose. In those moments it is better to retire and ask for a truce.
Reflect on the relationship between your feelings and your thoughts. It is a bit more complex, because you need to do a review of what until now they told you is correct or not, beliefs, taboos, family secrets, what is expected of you based on your gender (female / male) , your age, your race, your nationality, etc. How far are you acting based on the expectations of others and what is really what you want.
Point one and two are done internally, now is the time to express what you feel and think and you will do it in two ways by means of what you say and what you act, or your body language.
Remember that the ideal is that you are congruent, so the intention is that you can express your discomfort, fears, emotional wounds, desires, needs, etc. in a manner consistent with what you feel, but in a respectful way and that you achieve that the person with whom you are communicating really listens to you. So, observe very well how you are expressing your emotions, how you share them with others. As I tell my clients: “say what hurts or angry in beautiful”
With assertive communication you manage to express your needs, take responsibility for the way you interact, etc. But now it’s time to try to understand others, each one carries his own sack of stones on his back, so try to think how the other person is feeling, this will serve you a lot to improve your relationship with others, it’s like putting on different colored lenses and trying to see life in different ways … this is known as empathy, being empathetic is key to making your relationships better, with it you can forgive and understand others, not focusing in yourself, in your need, your pain, resentment, fear, etc. I am sure that when you manage to exercise empathy you will free yourself from many obstacles that until now did not allow you to live in the way you want with those people who are significant in your life.